DYLLAREZAN

You know how people always say a year old, a year wiser.  I had never said it before until I posted a photo on my Instagram a few days ago. I always write things ONLY if I really mean it. And I had a long pause before typing that sentence, thinking ...  ... am I really a year older, and ALSO a year wiser?  Not one year, or two years, but for many years, I doubted myself. I knew that I learned a lot as time passed because Allah blesses our lives so beautiful from A to Z that not a single day would pass with nothing to learn from. But, that was not the issue. I wondered, did all those life events make me a wiser person? Am I a better person than who I was before?  I am not aware if my personality changes, but one thing for sure, my way of thinking does change somehow. I remember being someone who cared a lot about everything, including things that were out of my control ie. how people treat me. I treated people the nicest way possible, and expect...

After 4 years, I am back at this place. What happened in 2014 was something that I would never forget. What about the incident that happened on the first day? Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. For those who follow me on my Instagram, you might be aware that currently, I'm having my selective posting in Accident & Emergency (A&E) department at Melaka General Hospital. Today marks the end of the third week, and so far, day by day, I love being in A&E even more. I still remember the first day when I stepped into the red zone a.k.a 'resus'. I was here before in 2014, as a patient's relative. I wasn't a part of the team. I wasn't even a medical student yet. I knew nothing about medical jargons, nor that I fully understood medical explanations in layman's terms. I questioned the doctors, nurses, MAs, guards for not allowing us, the family members to enter, observing my late grandfather at his last breath. Little did I know that ti...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Credits to Sham Jolimie (photo taken from here ) If you read my previous post , you might still remember that I wanted to tell you guys about this story. "Hati tisu" (hati = liver, tisu = tissue) is a term used for those who cry easily. Don't ask me why liver, and not heart. Here in Malaysia, we use to call heart as 'hati', which means liver actually. Although I don't think there's anyone from overseas reads my blog, I explained it just in case there is hehe. Indirectly "hati tisu" means you have a really soft heart. I don't consider myself to have "hati tisu" (flip hijab, I'm in denial haha), but my eyes can be so watery because of small simple gestures or unremarkable events, that touch my heart. And ... I can't see someone else cries.  I still can remember, there was one time I was in the medical ward. I met a lady who was admitted due to shortness of breath....

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Credits to Ronald Cooley (taken from this website ). You know when you first meet a stranger and it's all so awkward in the beginning? You feel the gap and you don't know whether you should talk or just keep quiet because you wanna beat the silence and awkwardness, but you're afraid you might make s/he feels annoyed. That was what I thought a few days ago. I almost canceled my weekend plan because of the thought and I'm really grateful I did not. I have to admit that I'm not comfortable to be in a new place or situation alone. It all started when my Maklang (aunt) could not make it for the Twins Of Faith.  She offered me a Twins of Faith (TOF) ticket for free. TOF is an annual Islamic conference, where they will call a few sheikh(s), ustadh(s) and imam(s) to deliver Islamic talks based on a theme, and this year it is about Qalb, which means heart.  True they say that if you were to do a good thing, Allah ...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. It was around 1pm. I wanted to go back home, so as usual I have to take the LRT from Sri Petaling to Terminal Bersepadu Selatan in Bandar Tasik Selatan and board on a bus from there. It was scorching hot outside although it rained cats and dogs this morning. Too lazy to walk, I decided to book a cab using the Grab app. A few minutes later, a taxi driver's photo and details showed up on my phone screen and another couple of minutes, I got a call from an Indian uncle, telling me that he had arrived. I saw the taxi turned to the other side, so I immediately called him to tell that he went to the wrong way and when he arrived, I apologised for not informing him earlier. I was a bit afraid at first, but the feeling went right away after looking at his cheerful character and kind expression. He told me that it was okay. The LRT station is just about 5 minutes away from Vista Komanwel (nampak lah malas nya tu hehe). The taxi metre sho...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.  Creds to Markcafiero.com I have to go back to KL today. New block starts tomorrow and though it's just an intro and briefing, I'm not gonna skip them. Furthermore, my friends are gonna start practising OSCE (1 month in BP makes me forget almost everything, but hopefully not!) and exam is really really near, so enough procrastinating.  After 1 month of driving back and forth between Batu Pahat and Melaka, finally I get back to my usual routine, taking the bus from Melaka to Bukit Jalil. Driving is fun, but it can be really tiring especially after you have had a long day in hospital. I just boarded into the bus. No one is sitting beside me, yeay! Both 2 chairs are mine hehehe. But, there's a divider between these 2 chairs, so getting both chairs doesn't mean anything. I still can't use the other one, unless if I can separate my legs from my upper abdomen and put them there hmm. The bus is fully air-condit...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. It's 1.30 am. I was supposed to sleep 2 hours ago, but my eyes seem to refuse, though I had already drunk a cup of milk. Blame the culprit; what else other than the late night thoughts, which lead to over thinking? Haha. I started to realise that life is made of chunks and pieces, but it should be treated as a whole. Those pieces complement one another. Instead of like jigsaw puzzle, they are more like a sphere made up of irregular torn papers, stacking and overlapping on each other. One part affects the other part either directly or indirectly, especially to us, girls. You know how girls' minds can be really complicated sometimes.  Maybe you guys are wondering, what am I talking about? What do I mean by treating life as a whole? It means.. well as for example, if you're studying and at one point your brain can't accept and absorb knowledge anymore. You try to recall what you have read, but your mind is totally b...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.  Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorders, etc. are real. It's not a joke that you should make fun of. It might come to a point where suicidal thoughts linger in their minds, when they think life is no better than that. It is real, people. It is happening, right now, in some people. I learned about depression and bipolar disorder last semester, though not really in detail like a psychiatrist nor a clinical student, but it is enough to let us know that they are real. It might be seen as ridiculous, but none of us know what these people have to go through. People look at these disorders lightly because they simply think "orang tu tak kuat iman" or "ikutkan sangat perasaan tu",  and instantly label them as itu ini. Those who only give negative comments instead of the constructive ones should learn how to understand a situation before judging and condemning. Cyberbullying makes it worse. Yes, I agree that suic...

This post is written at 11.53pm on Friday. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Photo by Mr Google I should be sleeping right now as I wanna wake up early tomorrow. In fact, I'm already on the bed, getting ready to sleep, but my intention is thwarted by the sudden appearance of my blogging mood, so I better not to turn it away or by the time I try to find it back, it has already gone sebab merajuk haha.  Today is another out-of-routine day for me as I met my best friend, Ummi after a longgggggg time not seeing each other. It's longer than the word 'long' I just typed, wayyy longer than that, no kidding haha. We even didn't have the chance to celebrate each other's birthday, and I wonder when was the last time I gave Ummi a present hmmm. Anyway, time spent is what matters most, innit? Hehe.  Ummi fetched me and we straightly went to Aeon Bandaraya, spending a good few hours, chitchatting about life, study, family interspersed with silly...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I had my end of semester examination last Monday and it marked the end of Year 2, alhamdulillah! This semester is not a progression point for us, so no matter what marks we get, we will still proceed to the next semester. And yes, preclinical in IMU is 2.5 years. Hm maybe because the basic clinical stuff including physical examinations and procedures has already integrated into the curriculum. Anyway, I would try my best to update my blog every day! Can't promise though as my daily schedule might change as I have a never ending to-do-list for this (only) one month break haha.  For 3 systems (reproductive, musculoskeletal and nervous systems) that were being tested in the exam, we had to sit for ONE paper only. Can't imagine how an exam consists of everything, 9 systems altogether, which we're gonna sit in the next semester will be tested in ONE paper. Finger crossed. That evening, I crashed into Sanaa's place, spending ...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Exactly 2 weeks left before my final examination. I'm so sorry for leaving this blog hiatus for quite some time. Anyway, today is the second day of the month of Ramadan and Alhamdulillah we are still here to taste the ni'mah of Ramadan. It's not too late to start listing down your Ramadan resolutions, as what people always say 'Better late than never', and I'm sure most of you who are reading this post will start speaking inside, reminding your heart what your resolutions are. It can be anything. From waking up for sahoor, helping the needy to standing a part of the night for tahajjud. But those are not the only thing about Ibadah(s).  Ibadah is a word with one meaning (worship), which has a few branches and broad classifications as it is not only confined to the pillars of Islam, but also comprises a lot of other good deeds and behaviours. Ibadah or worship is not restricted to fasting, prayer, going to...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.  "Lelaki tu handsome tapi isteri dia tak lawa." "Mak cantik tapi anak tak handsome langsung."  What is lawa (beauty) to you?  How do you define it?  'Lawa' or beauty is a subjective thing. Everyone knows that. But we live in a society where beauty is defined as someone who has fair & flawless skin, thin model-like body, big eyes, rich etcetera etcetera, and beautiful girls always have this one kind of 'pass' that everything they say is correct. If you against them means you are against a bunch of her supporters as well. A girl was being kutuk ceca hina on her instagram because some of you think by having asymmetrical eyes and big front teeth is ugly. If she were perfectly fit in your category of a beautiful girl, upload lah selfie setiap saat pun takpe, but because she is what she is, you torture her mind by criticising her physical appearance and let unwanted harsh words flooded in her ...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of Malaysia, is like a heart to the body and a pacemaker to the heartbeats. The magnificent skyscrapers touching the sky, incredible architectural details portraying their own beauty, a vast, accessible transportation means making travelling so much easier and whatnots have created a significant invisible boundary between the urban lifestyle and the other side of KL. The other side of KL in this context represents a large community of citizens that most of us do not aware of, including the old me. Living in a cozy place, where we can study comfortably and sleep soundly, we are sheltered from the awfulness of reality some people are facing and struggling with. The other side of KL is often hidden during the day, and more noticeable during the night, when the moon starts its shift and the darkness takes place. While we are having dinner with our family and friends either in a house or restaurant, these p...

This post is written on 18th April 2016. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. No Monday Blues for me as I slept early on the night before, as usual haha. Woke up and got ready early this morning as I thought the practical session for my group was at 8, until Fatin told us in the WhatsApp group that the timetable in IMU portal states 8.30am. Today's practical was about nerve (urat saraf) conduction. Sanaa and I arrived quite late this morning (bangun awal pun sampai still tak awal haha) and we made our own group of 2. Later, Bryan joined us.  First part, we had to draw the median nerve using a stick of green coloured wax-like-crayon. Here's a picture showing the median nerve. As you can see, the median nerve supplies the first three fingers (from the thumb). So, basically everything about the movement, pain etc is related to the median nerve. (Boring nya Dylla ni tunjuk pasal urat saraf pula . . .) Haha wait a second, the interesting part is yet to come.  ...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Hey guysss! Finally, I have an ample time and the mood to update this blog. Fuhh *tiup habuk* haha. To be honest, I have a few posts in the draft that I should have posted a long time ago, but then those posts are not well written with incomplete paragraphs and no-mood-to-continue writing, so I decided to discard them all, muahahaha.  We already finished our 4-week reproductive system and currently in a new system, musculoskeletal system. Apparently, there is a lot of names of bones and muscles to be remembered, not to forget the procedures and steps of physical examinations during the clinical sessions. The final semester examination is getting closer and closer. The extensive list of topics for both theories and clinical skills makes me freak out inside every time I try to remind myself about it, but chill Dylla chill, don't let the panic attack knocks the sympathetic pathway in you. 'I almost died for 2 times' seems ...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.  Whenever someone asks me what I wanna specialise in, I would answer, "I'm not sure as I haven't graduated from medical school yet, but for now, I'm thinking of being a cardiologist." It has always been cardiology ever since I was a kid, even before I knew the existence of the word 'cardiology'. Maybe because it has something to do and is correlated to my late Datuk, who had undergone bypass, passed away because of a heart attack and the one (other than my parents) who always gave me support and motivation to become a doctor.  To meet and have a nice chit-chat with a cardiologist is like ticking off another bucket list for me, even better with the presence of a cup of coffee, that's for sure. I tweet a lot during the competition organised by Dr Beni and Dr Akmal with the hashtag #Benism on twitter, but unfortunately luck wasn't on my side as I was not chosen even for the top 3 finalists. My best...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I just started my life as a fourth semester medical student in IMU last week, with the reproductive system as the first system to learn this semester. Weehoo for some people, but it's the same for me. I thought this semester would be different with newly energised Ardilla after 2 months of holiday and the spirit to work harder, but meyhhh. The same Ardilla who easily falls asleep, especially in the evening, even though everyone else is laughing about something. I'm still in the process to change myself, fighting Dylla! Anyway, I haven't written for quite some time, I know right! Writing is something that I do during leisure time when I feel like I wanna do it. But, if that time I prefer sleeping or studying, I'm so not gonna write any because it will turn out into something that is forced-unhappily written haha.  I had my first and last clinic visit of this semester today and it was a wonderful experience, somehow...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.  I just watched a YouTube video of a 15-year-old kid, telling people her opinions on international school vs government school. She made a few good points, some obvious points that don't need to be addressed as most people already know and some irrelevant points. I second the point when she said that in Malaysia, intelligence is all about grades because I believe everyone has their own speciality, but I feel offended by the way she looks at government schools and on behalf of those who make a living by becoming teachers in government school. I can't deny that international schools have clean toilets and cafeterias that serve scrumptious lunch because your parents have paid for that. And yes, you put high expectation because of the same reason. I can't expect to have a school like yours when I have to pay only one-hundredth of your semester fee. It's the truth. But. I totally disagree when she said that it's a fact...

Assalamulaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I saw a post people shared on Facebook, read it and guess what. It hit me hard and broke me through. All the words seemed like she was talking about me. "An open letter to my friend in medical school" I literally started crying the moment I read "And I saw you cry when you wish you were older so you could’ve saved your grandfather… when you wished that he was still alive so he could see you now." I was the first grandchild on my mom's side. My late grandfather always wanted to see me become a doctor. I still can remember when I was a kid, he always told my parents and me about how eager he was to see me entering a medical school and becoming a doctor. He picked me up from school every day and brought me and my sister back to his house to play with the chickens and cats. He taught me how to ride my first 2-wheel-bicycle and how to climb a tree. He bought me cooking utensils for kids and a pair of rollerblade...