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Failure

Failure is not something one aims for. I bet no one ever wishes to fail. I set up a really high goal for myself, and when I don't manage to achieve what I've aimed, I feel like I fail. I see myself as a failure. 

The thoughts of being a failure haunt me day and night, telling me I'm not good enough. Like I'd said a few times, Medic is never easy for me. When I fail to achieve something, my heart shatters. I feel discouraged and down, at the same time start to doubt myself.

And knowing that I have less than one year to graduate somehow increases my anxiety. 

Am I competent enough? 
Can I handle everything? 

But, every time I have this feeling, I would remind myself. 

Failure without effort is either a real failure or a reminder. Failure after putting a lot of effort and hard work is a chance to improve and a gap to fill, in other words, to make you better in that particular area. In life, there are ups and downs, and I believe, one time you fail does not mean you will fail forever. And failure is not always a bad thing. We stumble and fall, then stand back up, keep moving on and realise how strong we are and can be.



Final Chapter


Currently, I'm in week 6 of Surgery & Anaesthesia postings. Surgery is always one of my favourite postings and surprisingly, I kinda like Anaes as well, especially during the simulation of clinical management sessions, where we had to manage the patient in an emergency situation. I might become an emergency specialist one day, who knows? Hehe.

"Final Chapter" 
Nah-uh. It’s not really the final chapter of the final book. It’s the final chapter of the first book entitled ‘Life As A Medical Student’. Somehow, time flies so fast. I tend to say ‘fifth year’ rather than ‘final year’, although both bring the same meaning. I’m so eager to finish med school and start working, but I can’t help asking myself, “Am I competent enough?” Honestly saying, I don’t even remember all the dosage for medications. Yet. 

Hoping for the best. Fingers crossed.

After 12 Years, He still Remembers Me

Photo cred: bonjourvanessa.tumblr.com

I couldn't believe he remembers my name. I must be a very good girl back then. Ok perasan.

Selective Posting (Part 1) - First Day, First CPR, First Death


After 4 years, I am back at this place. What happened in 2014 was something that I would never forget. What about the incident that happened on the first day?

The First Thing Her Husband Asked

Disclaimer: Some medical and sensitive terms used in this context are for knowledge purposes.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.


An elderly lady came to the gynaecology clinic for a regular follow-up due to pelvic organ prolapse. She already underwent a surgery to repair, but the same problem happened once again and what made it worsened this time was the problem started to interfere with her urination and causing her to have difficulty in passing urine. I was attached to a medical officer (MO), and the patient told the doctor that she felt really uncomfortable, not only when she wanted to pass urine, but also when she stood for a long time. Gravity made it easy to find a way out.