Apr 24, 2014

Labyrinth Of Suffering

First of all I would like to express my feeling on how grateful I am to be a Muslim. Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb. Alhamdulillah for everything You planned. Alhamdulillah for every blessings You gave. Life is really really beautiful (MashaaAllah) if we try to appreciate every single breath for us to breathe and every single time our hearts pounder to circulate blood throughout the body.

It's really true that there are ups and downs, highs and lows, sadness and happiness in our lives. I always had a monologue and said to myself, 'How can I even get out of this labyrinth of suffering?' past few days but today, right now, I realise that all pains I have to strongly endure and obstacles I have to get through bravely are made to keep my feet stay on the ground and remember who I am. I am a hopeless human being without Him. All bumps and difficulties made me realise that only to Him I can ask for help.

I still remember the start of the 'downs'. Few weeks after I sent my ucas application for UK universities, I got an email. . .

"Dear Miss Noorezan,

Something has changed on your UCAS application; please log in to UCAS Track to view the changes. You can access UCAS Track via the UCAS website www.ucas.com. This change may for example be one of the following:
• one of your choices has made a decision about your application
• you have received an invitation to interview
• you have made your replies
• you have withdrawn from a choice
• your reply to an offer has not been received at UCAS by the deadline given. If this is the case, your reply will show as Decline by Default (DBD). .

I logged in the UCAS Track. Shocked. I was very very very sad as I was kinda put high hope on this application bcs hmm well this is the only way to further study in my all-time-dream place! This was the first time being rejected, but not the last. Rejection after rejection. My heart broke, shattered into pieces for many times and got no chance to fully heal before it broke again. I did get an opportunity to attend an interview for Medicine in Queen's University of Belfast (which means there's still 30% chance) and I was hoping that I will get an offer from this medical school. But unfortunately, looks like Medicine in UK isn't on my side. Another rejection letter. Came to a point where I wanna give up, stop chasing anything and do nothing. Everything such a fool's paradise.

I forgot that people always say there's light at the end of a tunnel. Alhamdulillah after loads of rejections and sadness, I get an offer letter from USM-KLE for Medicine Programme in India! I feel very happy and really really really grateful till happiness tears burst and rolled down my cheek. At last, faith restored and hope shone back, telling me there's a chance to become a doctor! Just now, I saw another unread email in my inbox. And guess what?! A conditional offer from University of Edinburgh for Medical Science course, Alhamdulillahhh. Dilemma and confused, between passion and opportunity but at least there's a chance for me to further my study and become a 'someone'. Syukur alhamdulillah for everything Ya Rabb. Pray for my best! Thank you :)


1 comment:

  1. Wahai Tuhanku! Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepadaMu daripada memohon sesuatu yang aku tidak mempunyai pengetahuan mengenainya; dan jika Engkau tidak mengampunkan dosaku, dan memberi rahmat kepadaku, nescaya menjadilah aku dari orang-orang yang rugi