Aug 24, 2015

Consoling Myself

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 

There are times when your favourite food doesn't look tempting, ice cream can't make you happy, chatting with friends but feeling lonely, wanna cry but there's no tear. Silence can be really deafening sometimes, even become worse when your heart constantly longs for the true happiness at home. 

I feel really uneasy and quite anxious lately with all the revised (harder) assessment, semester we have to pass, lecture notes we have to study, clinical skills we have to practise, stuffs we have to settle and handle. I'm stuck in the labyrinth of life, where even to read or write notes first become a big issue. Sad lyrics make sense, each word hits me well, seems meaningful, suits the atmosphere and the invisible aura around me. The need to talk to someone burdens me, but looks like my inner self is so ego, it persuades me to handle everything by myself, and incites me to ignore my feelings, which at the end I agree to compromise. Giving up is not even a choice. Not after what my parents and family have done for me. Not after I already passed the first year (alhamdulillah). Not after I made up my mind this is what I really wanna do since I was in kindergarten. 

Constantly telling myself that every cloud has a silver lining, after every storm comes a rainbow, every person lives in this world has something to be grateful about. Nobody ever says it's gonna be easy. Nobody tells you can get whatever your heart wishes for. Nobody asks you to stop being happy. 

I keep thinking about how the past might affect the future, but overlook the present, which has the power to change, which I am supposed to cherish. Take past as a lesson for the present to prove. Overthinking strikes me again, ugh I know. But that's what a girl does sometimes, don't you think? I complained too much, I know I shouldn't. I'm sorry. 

Stop overthinking, start doing, Dylla. I have to continue what I've started, to prove what I wished. It's not gonna be easy, but it's possible. Have faith in Allah. Do your part, follow His guide. InshaaAllah everything will run smoothly, according to His plan, that's the best thing. 

Medicine is tough, but I'm tougher. 

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