Failure

Failure is not something one aims for. I bet no one ever wishes to fail. I set up a really high goal for myself, and when I don't manage to achieve what I've aimed, I feel like I fail. I see myself as a failure. 

The thoughts of being a failure haunt me day and night, telling me I'm not good enough. Like I'd said a few times, Medic is never easy for me. When I fail to achieve something, my heart shatters. I feel discouraged and down, at the same time start to doubt myself.

And knowing that I have less than one year to graduate somehow increases my anxiety. 

Am I competent enough? 
Can I handle everything? 

But, every time I have this feeling, I would remind myself. 

Failure without effort is either a real failure or a reminder. Failure after putting a lot of effort and hard work is a chance to improve and a gap to fill, in other words, to make you better in that particular area. In life, there are ups and downs, and I believe, one time you fail does not mean you will fail forever. And failure is not always a bad thing. We stumble and fall, then stand back up, keep moving on and realise how strong we are and can be.



Final Chapter


Currently, I'm in week 6 of Surgery & Anaesthesia postings. Surgery is always one of my favourite postings and surprisingly, I kinda like Anaes as well, especially during the simulation of clinical management sessions, where we had to manage the patient in an emergency situation. I might become an emergency specialist one day, who knows? Hehe.

"Final Chapter" 
Nah-uh. It’s not really the final chapter of the final book. It’s the final chapter of the first book entitled ‘Life As A Medical Student’. Somehow, time flies so fast. I tend to say ‘fifth year’ rather than ‘final year’, although both bring the same meaning. I’m so eager to finish med school and start working, but I can’t help asking myself, “Am I competent enough?” Honestly saying, I don’t even remember all the dosage for medications. Yet. 

Hoping for the best. Fingers crossed.