Everything I Never Told You

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 

One of the most depressing books I've ever read but I was inspired by its title.

After 17 years of studying, from Tadika Seri Berjaya, to SK Bukit Beruang, to Seri Puteri, to INTI and to now, IMU, one thing I know about myself -- I'm not gifted. I always thought I had to work harder than everyone else, but little did I know, they were studying when I was watching a movie, revising when I was procrastinating. Fifth semester of being a medical student had taught me a lot; about life, family, friends, medicine and about myself the most. 

Final exam of semester 5 in IMU is one of the scariest examinations as it determines whether you can go to clinical school or not. It became scarier when the assessment changed, from only OSCE to both theory papers and OSCE. I never told anyone about this, so lets just keep this secret between us okay. 

If people asked me to come out with one word to describe the whole semester, I'd definitely say...

Breakdowns. 

Breakdowns after breakdowns. I became fragile and easily wounded. I felt I was not as good as everyone else. I felt demotivated. I asked myself why this, why that, but I never got the right answer to make me forget it. Outside I might look tough and relax, pretending I was fine and never cried, but inside only Allah knows how nervous I was, how I really longed for home, hoping and waiting for the time I can go home so that I can cry as much as I want in my own bed, in the arms of my parents. 

I almost gave up. I almost lost myself.

For the first time in my life, I asked myself, "Why did I take Medicine in the first place?" 

There were times I felt really, really down. I felt useless. I felt anxious. I felt sad. Mixed feelings, I felt everything at the same time. Never thought the 'down' phase can be worse like this. I fell down. I had to get up by myself. No one can help me if I myself don't stand back on my own feet. I told myself repeatedly that Allah is the best planner. I should feel grateful. He knows best and I should do my best. If he brings me to it, He will bring me through it. That was what I did every time I thought quitting what I've already started is the best decision. Repeatedly, I tried to convince myself, to pick up back the broken pieces and glue them together. 

My parents are my true supporters. Not to forget my sister, Ariesha, who tries her best to be there for me though she is far away, who is also struggling to study and to learn. They are always there when I need someone to talk, a shoulder to cry on. Some people said, "Home is not a place, nor a person. It's a feeling." They are the reasons why a house is not a home without them, and anywhere is home as long as with them. They are the reasons why I remain strong, though my limbs weaken. They always tell me to come home whenever I say I feel homesick. They make me calm when there's a storm in my chest. The happiness when I'm with them is never finished, though it has been fed by thousands of Dementors. If I were to write down everything they did for me, the list will be hella long one. 

Can never get through everything without my friends. My ranting listener, Sobri. Everyday he will say, "Don't worry, you can do this. The exam will be very easy for you." Though he can be a pain in the neck sometimes, but he makes me feel much better every time.. he must have magic! I'm Ardilla Potter by the way hehe. My 3-hour-call-every-one-month friend, Sara. Sometimes up to even 4 hours, trust me. We just have so much things to talk whenever we're on the phone. A kind of friend who tries her best to find free time for me though people know how busy life in a clinical school can be. My one-day-early-birthday friend, Tiara. The kind Tiara. The selfless Tiara. The caring Tiara. Soothing words from her melt a hardened heart, sealed a broken heart. The truth is, she not only gave me comfort when I needed one, but she taught me a lot as well. 

My IMU friends, especially my OSCE practice group mates were the ones who made things bearable. Though at first, it was awkward. Really, really awkward I tell you. But as time passed, the clock ticked away, I'm glad I had them to practise with. They gave me tips when my percussion could only be heard by a mouse, they corrected me when I wanted to put the tuning fork onto other body parts rather than the bony ones, they booked a room, though I was always one of the latecomers and they gave me chances to practise on them, without making any face, showing dissatisfaction. 

As an ending to this long appreciation post (?), whenever you feel down, find the source of your strength and happiness. Then slowly stand back on your feet, tell yourself you can do this. Never ever ever compare yourself to others. Find your own style, follow your own pace. What works for others might not work for you, and vice versa. Look back at what you have achieved and believe in yourself that you can really do it. If everyone else can, of course you can! 

I asked ibu, if Datuk were still alive, would he be proud of me? 
"Datuk mesti riuh sekampung." Ibu told me, and tears rolled down my face.

Seremban, here I come. InshaaAllah. 


5 Things (I Planned) To Do This Holiday

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Creds to Sobri

Study and exam weeks are the best time to think about EVERYTHING and when exam ends, everything just *poof* disappears. Before I sat for my exam last week, all ideas just flowed into my mind like the stream moves downhill, but now when I have so much time to spend, I end up doing nothing. Anyway, here are the 5 things I planned to do this holiday;

1. Learn in depth about photography
I've always wanted to learn more about photography, but I couldn't find any suitable time. I once thought of taking a photography course after I finish my degree, but that seems a bit impossible I guess. To be a professional photographer needs a lot of time and commitment (of course money as well because you gotta upgrade your lens as you become more pro), which I don't think I can manage it yet. For now, as long as I know how to use the camera, and not only just turn to the auto mode every single time, that's quite enough. I downloaded some ebooks to be read and of course I have to practise using the camera also. I bet the camera has showered with dust. Where's my camera again by the way?

2. Go to some new places I've never been to
One thing I love about going to new places other than capturing images of what my eyes see using a lower megapixel-kind-of 'eye' is to try the food they have there, especially those which are traditionally made and can't / hard to be found elsewhere. Whether it's in Malaysia, or somewhere abroad, all places have their own speciality and that makes they are unique from one another. InshaaAllah, I'm going to somewhere soon (the reason why I have to postpone updating my blog post), hope everything goes well amin. Where to? Stay tuneeeeed hehe.

3. Read more books
I have lots and lots and lots of books I haven't read. I loveeee going to a bookshop. I'd walk from one shelf to another shelf, going through from one book to the next one. Sometimes I'd remind myself that I still have a bunch of unread-and-tersadai books, and sometimes I'd just buy them either because of the interesting synopsis they have at the back of the book cover or based on someone's review. And every time after I've bought, I'd plan to finish the old ones first, get bored after a few pages and decide to start with the new one. End up reading all books halfway and stop. I sold some of my books (I have and haven't read) because they take up so much space in my cupboard, but I still need more books ...

4. Publish blog posts consistently
I've been trying. Like really, really trying. I have a love-hate relationship with my blog. I love writing, but na-uh, not at a wrong time. After days of I-wanna-write-but-got-other-stuff-to-do, I finally have the momentum to write this blog post. As I'm having a 3-month break, I will try my best to publish a blog post consistently. Hope my mood will always be there whenever I need it *fingers crossed*. If I didn't post anything on my blog for more than 3-4 days, check my Instagram if there's any update. If not... please wake me up. I might accidentally fall asleep while trying to write one haha.

5. Update my travel journal
I just bought a new notebook and make it as my travel journal. I'm soooo excited to update about the old and upcoming trips! I have 3 different pencil cases for my pens and stuff to decorate my journal. Though I don't really travel, but lets just see how it goes.


Anyway, if you have a long holiday ie. more than 1 month, what do you usually do? Is there any plan? Or do you just go with the flow?



Luckily I Ran Like Crazy

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.


My friends and I went to MidValley after the OSCE debriefing session last Thursday. We didn't have any specific plan; just bought some stuff for our upcoming trip and spent time together before going back to our hometown. Around 6, it was time to go back. We had to take the KTM first from Midvalley and then changed to LRT in Bandar Tasik Selatan. By the time we wanted to go to the train, many people went up from downstairs, which means they were just arriving. 

We ran as fast as we could because you know how tiring it would be to wait for 40 minutes before the next train arrives. We were quite relieved when we saw a long queue waiting to board the train. The train was really packed with people coming back from work and whatnots. Though the long line could buy us some time, but the problem was.. the 3 of us + 1 cabin-sized luggage (I just bought it) were not gonna fit in there. Fatin and Sanaa were in front of me. They ran from one exit to another exit, and there was a moment when they already can fit into the train, but not me. So, they went out from the train and tried to find another exit.

Me? I was running like crazy WITH my luggage. No time to be ashamed, I just ran as fast as I could. I thought I might have to stay there first and wave goodbye to my friends, but I don't think it's wrong to try haha. And yes, luckily I ran like crazy because at last we managed to enter the train though we were standing really, really close to the door, almost kissed it, but we didn't have to wait for another 40 minutes phew.

I thought that was the only time I had to run like crazy, but I was wrong.

I wanted to go back to Melaka that night and as usual the last bus from KL is at 9.30pm. I just arrived home around Maghrib, and being me who likes to procrastinate when it comes to getting ready, I simply bought a ticket for the last bus online without even thinking twice as I didn't think I could prepare everything earlier than that. I was really hungry. At 9pm, I cooked (too lazy, I just put the hot water haha) 2 packs of curry Maggi. It was already late, but I refused to go out without filling my tummy first. I ate the Maggi in only 5 minutes! (New achievement unlocked!) Then I wore my shawl and booked a Taxi from the Grab phone application. The taxi arrived at 9.15pm. I only had 15 minutes left to be exact hm it was not funny...

I told the taxi driver to drive fast if he can. The uncle was sooooo kind! We had a nice chat from about how he works from 5am to 1am every day to a pregnant lady who asked him to stop the taxi metre and told him to keep driving. I was 50/50 at that time; convincing myself I would arrive on time, but at the same time telling myself I won't make it.

I arrived TBS sharp at 9.30am. Again, I ran like crazy. Yes, with my backpack and a medium-sized luggage. I ran as fast as I could, but tried my best to run in a 'sopan' way to the boarding pass counter to get the ticket. I asked the counter guy if I could make it and the lady who was sitting next to him, took the walkie talkie she had with her and tried to contact whoever downstairs to ask whether the bus has taken off or not. Luckily it hadn't.

I got my ticket and immediately went to the long line of people who were waiting patiently for their tickets to be scanned before going to the waiting area downstairs. I didn't have much time, so I asked a guy if I could cut his queue as I was running late. He allowed me to. I thanked him a few times and he just smiled.

Luckily my bus this time waited at the nearest gate, Gate 1 and Alhamdulillah the bus was still there. I boarded the train and sat down at seat number 15. While trying to catch my breath, I smiled thinking of what had happened and felt really grateful and thankful to have met those people who helped me.

I shouldn't do anything last minute. Lesson learnt.

Have you guys ever had any experience like this?

Blog Tips: How To Make All Links Open In A New Tab

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.


I just made a new change in my blog page. If you click at any link in my page, it will open up a new tab instead of go directly to the link. I found out that it's easier if I visit anyone's blog, click on the link given and it opens a new tab; I don't have to leave the initial page and can easily click without having to return to the previous page.

So, I thought maybe I should do the same thing for my blog. It requires only a few steps and trust me, it is super duper easy. All you have to do is just follow the steps below.

1. Go to blogger dashboard (blogger.com)


2. Click more options (button with arrow beside 'View blog'), and click 'Template'



3. Backup your template first, just in case if something wrong happened. Go to 'Backup / Restore' at the top right of the page and click 'Download template'.




4. Click 'Edit HTML' 


5. Find <head> by clicking anywhere in the middle of the coding box and press Ctrl + F on the keyboard and you'll notice a search box at the top right of the coding box. Then type <head> and press enter.



6. Then just add this code below it <base target='_blank' /> and it's supposed to look like this.


7. Then click 'Save template' and voila it's on! 


It's easier for your reader and of course for yourself as well! Tell me how do you find this tutorial. Thank you and hope this tutorial works for you guys too.


Tell Me: How Do I Look?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.


Do you notice something new? Probably you do!

Yup, I just changed my blog template weeee. Finally, a better one, I guess. More manageable and easy to handle. I don't have to pretend being like a pro, changing the html code here and there haha. Got a few posts in my drafts waiting to be posted, but I still don't have much time to write a proper one as I'll be sitting for my final exam next week! I'm so nervous. Wish me luck *fingers crossed*. 

How do I look? I mean, how does my blog look? (Cause you prolly don't wanna give any comment to someone who has trouble in sleeping with obvious eye bags and a messed up daily routines haha). Oh, and if you click 'home' at the top bar, you can see there's a slider for a few topics! Sorry for being over-excited haha. Anyway, I would really appreciate if you guys could drop some comments and tell me your opinion on my blog's new look. Perhaps I should add anything? Or delete anything? Or maybe you just wanna say it's nice or ugly. Anything also can one meh hehe. Thank you and have a nice day!