Dec 7, 2017

Post-TOF: A Stranger Cried, I Cried

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Credits to Sham Jolimie (photo taken from here)

If you read my previous post, you might still remember that I wanted to tell you guys about this story.

"Hati tisu" (hati = liver, tisu = tissue) is a term used for those who cry easily. Don't ask me why liver, and not heart. Here in Malaysia, we use to call heart as 'hati', which means liver actually. Although I don't think there's anyone from overseas reads my blog, I explained it just in case there is hehe. Indirectly "hati tisu" means you have a really soft heart. I don't consider myself to have "hati tisu" (flip hijab, I'm in denial haha), but my eyes can be so watery because of small simple gestures or unremarkable events, that touch my heart. And ...

I can't see someone else cries. 

I still can remember, there was one time I was in the medical ward. I met a lady who was admitted due to shortness of breath. Only shortness of breath. Upon physical examination, they noticed there was a swelling near her breast. All investigations were done, and they told her she had breast cancer and the cancer cells already metastasised to her lungs and that was why she had shortness of breath. It was stage 4. After all the doctors left, we had a conversation. She told me about her family, etc. She cried. Remember I said I can't see someone cries? I cried too. My eyes became watery. Instead of me offering her a tissue, the patient herself offered me a tissue haha. She even told me, "Takpe, makcik okay je." (It's okay. I'm fine). I was sooooo embarassed. Come on tears, can't you guys wait until we leave her bed? 

What do you think if you tell your problems to your doctor, and you cry, then the doctor him/herself cries as well? You would probably say, "This is so weird. Now, I'm the one who has to comfort this doctor. Ugh." haha. So, I'm training myself not to easily cry/have watery eyes, especially when listening to someone else's concerns and difficulties. 

Back to Twins of Faith (TOF) story, my friend, Balqis left a bit early as she had things to settle so there was a vacant seat beside me. A talk by a Sheikh Alaa Alsayed on "After Honeymoon" was about to start when suddenly a lady came and sat beside me. I didn't get the chance to greet her salam and introduce myself as the sheikh had started talking. So, we both kept quiet and listen attentively to the talk. Sheikh Alaa basically told us about how marriage will be like, how you should treat your wife/husband, what's your right as a wife/husband, etc. Being one of the unmarried people in the hall, I could not relate much to my current life, but I jotted down important notes. Well, it will be useful when I get married one day, InshaaAllah. Haha.

Then at this one point, suddenly Sheikh Alaa asked us to stand and give a big hug to the person sitting next to us, and tell that person that s/he's gonna be a great wife/husband. Lady hugs lady, guy hugs guy, of course.

What should I do? Think fast, Ardilla. Think fast. Okay, if she hugged you, you hug her back, will you? While standing, I turned around facing her and to my surprise, I opened my arms without any cues from her, and she hugged me back. Wow, I never thought I would do that!

I noticed she teared up a bit. I would feel really bad if I pretended I didn't see that and just let her cry alone.

"This shouldn't be so hard. Just be empathy," I told myself. I forgot the fact that I can't see someone cries.

I greeted her with salam and introduced myself, before asking whether she's okay or not. Obviously, she was not okay, so I didn't expect any answer to that question. My next question ...

"Do you wanna share?" 

And she told me everything. She missed her husband, and she had doubts, yada yada. She cried. She seemed could not stop crying. And guess what? While comforting her, I cried a bit too. I had to apologise for crying and I told her I just could not see someone cries. I wasn't in a position to give any pieces of advice for her marriage, and I could not say I understand, because how can you understand if you haven't married yet? But I just kept silent, listening to her stories and after a while, I asked how her kids doing and stuff. She thanked me, and apologised for crying out of the blue. Little did she know, I was the one who should thank her as she taught me that you can be a shoulder to cry on to anyone, as long as you learn to listen.

Here's something that was repeatedly being told to us during the talk,

"One of the best of all deeds is to bring happiness to others." 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not claiming that I just brought happiness to someone. But, I had been in a situation where I felt sad and I felt much better after someone listened and comforted me. Happiness is subjective. You might not be able to give wealth. But you can give the most precious thing one has, which is time. And that might bring happiness to someone. May Allah eases everything for us. Amin.

P/s: Does anyone have any tips on how not to cry when someone cries to you? Let me know if you have, okay? Thanks! :)

Dec 4, 2017

Post-TOF: Am I Not A Stranger?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Credits to Ronald Cooley (taken from this website).

You know when you first meet a stranger and it's all so awkward in the beginning? You feel the gap and you don't know whether you should talk or just keep quiet because you wanna beat the silence and awkwardness, but you're afraid you might make s/he feels annoyed. That was what I thought a few days ago. I almost canceled my weekend plan because of the thought and I'm really grateful I did not. I have to admit that I'm not comfortable to be in a new place or situation alone. It all started when my Maklang (aunt) could not make it for the Twins Of Faith. 

She offered me a Twins of Faith (TOF) ticket for free. TOF is an annual Islamic conference, where they will call a few sheikh(s), ustadh(s) and imam(s) to deliver Islamic talks based on a theme, and this year it is about Qalb, which means heart. 

True they say that if you were to do a good thing, Allah will make it easy for you. 

When Maklang offered me the ticket, I checked my academic calendar. Coincidencely, I would be having a 1-week holiday, so I straightly accepted it. Before Maklang sent me the ticket via email, she asked me once again whether I wanted to go or not. I'm not sure how much is the early bird price, but the latest price I saw in the website was RM227, so if I did not go, it would be better if Maklang could give to another person. So, I really thought about it carefully. I was contemplating although I really looked forward to it. I will be alone, traveling from Melaka. Where should I stay? How should I travel to Matrade early in the morning? Won't it be dangerous? 

While I was still in dilemma, a whatsapp message came and it was from my SSP batch whatsapp group. Tsam asked if there's anyone who wanna go to TOF as she had an extra ticket. I sent Tsam a text and she told me she's going to join the conference. My heart leaped in joy, knowing that someone I know would join the conference. She even asked me whether I wanna join her and her friends staying in a hotel nearby. And she told me they could pick me up when I arrived in KL, although we were coming from different directions. (She came from Ipoh, while I was from Melaka). I thought she would come with a friend, but instead, she came with another 4 friends. I only knew after I asked about the hotel and transportation. So, actually, I might be a burden. Imagine a car and a hotel room, which can fit in 5 people nicely, and suddenly this one stranger wants to join. That was what I thought. But, Tsam kept insisting me that it will be okay and her friends were all okay with it as well. I agreed although I felt so embarrassed at that moment. 

Long story cut short, 2 days with them and they treat me not like a stranger. At all. They treat me like a good friend. I can't say they only do it to a person they just meet because they treat each other so nicely that if you look closely, you'll adore and admire their friendship. None of them is selfish. 1 and a half-day were not that long, but they touched my heart with their kindness and acts, which they may not even realise. When you come alone to a new place and meet a new crowd, you expect yourself to feel like a stranger, but it turns out you ask yourself,

"Am I not a stranger?" 

And I have to admit, they are so humble. So, so humble that I feel ashamed of myself. They made me realised that you don't have to say anything, telling others you're better or you're nice or you're good. Instead, your act will do it for you. Actions are louder than words, and now I really understand about it. 

I'm really grateful and so touched that when I think about what happened, my heart will become so warm and tears will flood my eyes. The experience was so beautiful that even John Green or Mitch Albom could not describe it perfectly. I'm so grateful that I followed my heart, to participate in the conference although I was alone at first. I could never replace it with something better if this was what He decided the best for me. 

He will make it easy for us, if it's a way to make us closer to Him. InshaaAllah. I did not only get the points that went straight to my heart from the TOF itself, which I hope they will stay there and help me to become a better person, with His guide, InshaaAllah. But, I also met new friends and experienced things that I never imagined I would get. I'm not sure whether you guys will read this post or not, but if you guys did come across this, I would like to thank you and I'm really blessed to meet you guys. Only Allah can repay all of you. 

And of course, a big thank you to my Maklang. Because without her, I might not get this once in a lifetime experience. Why did I say it a 'once in a lifetime experience'? Because you will never get the same exact experience twice and you can never turn back time. So, every single thing that happens in our life is a once in a lifetime experience. 

I believe that everything, be it good or bad, happens for a reason. Although we might not know what's the reason until the end of our lives, but bear in mind. He knows what we don't know.

"Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not." Quran, Al-Baqarah [2:216]

A photo of me with the amazing girls.

P/s: I have a lot more to share, inc the moment when a stranger cried and I cried as well haha. InshaaAllah soon :)

Nov 20, 2017

Nurul Apollo

This post was supposed to be posted on Friday, 17th of Nov 2017.

These two words that become my title for today's blogpost are the words that made my day today. If you were in my group, you'd probably notice how much I loveeee Orthopaedics. 

The last time I had this feeling was during Surgery posting. I'm not saying I don't like other postings. To be honest, I enjoy all postings, seriously! But, these 2 have a special place in my heart hehe. I don't mind going to the hospital 7.15am every day. I don't mind attending the not-compulsory CME on Thursdays. I don't mind making mistakes as long I as I make an effort to try. Creds to Anis for introducing Ortho in a really passionate way that made me fall in love with Ortho even before I started this posting 5 weeks ago.

I introduced my name as 'Nurul' when Prof. A asked my name. In Arabic, it means light. I guess Nurul is much easier to remember and pronounce compare to Ardilla (Arabic: just / fair). Well, light is everywhere unless it's blackout, but you can't see justice visually, right. . . 

Eversince then,

"Nurul, what is the common fracture in osteoporotic patient?"

"Nurul, how do you check for C6 nerve root?" 

"Nurul, check the patient's sciatic nerve."

"Nurul, draw the tension band wire to fix fracture of the patella."

When I answered or did it correctly, I could feel my right-sided and left-sided heart like high-5-ing each other. But, when I don't, I hear them said, "It's okay, Ardilla. Better you make mistake or don't know now rather than later when you've become a doctor." 

I become more in love with Orthopaedic when looking at my lecturers. They are sooooo passionate in their career and not stingy when sharing knowledge. How they work with each other is admirable. They never think they are better than someone else and they always ask for others' opinion because to them, 2 brains are better than 1. Sometimes can be up to 5 brains at the same time, pouring what they know, not trying to prove they are better. 

Back to the story. 

Just now, I attended a talk regarding MERCY Malaysia and Prof Arshad was one of the speakers. I arrived quite late as I was from the hospital, just finished bed side teaching (BST) with Mr. N. When I entered the hall, suddenly my 2 best friends, Tiara and Anis shouted my name! They didn't shout Ardilla, the usual name they call me. But instead, they shouted 'Nurul'. The second time they shouted, Prof. A turned his head and looked at me. Oh. My. God. These girlsssss! Hahaha. And then they told me that they were discussing about Ortho Club just now and when Anis mentioned my name, Prof. A told them that I am a good student :')

I'm really, really touched. I never thought that I can be a 'good student' in my lecturer's eyes because to be honest, I'm just Ardilla. Just Ardilla, with Nurul in front. I guess their definition of 'good student' is not that you have to know everything. Probably I'm considered good in different criteria because I do not know about everything and I still need to improve. A lot. 

Another thing about the incident was when they shouted just now, everyone else who was already sitting comfortably on the chair turned their heads as well and looked at me, wondering who is this girl named Nurul? Hahaha. 

Another funny story happened shortly before that. Remember that I told you I had BST with Mr. N? 

30 minutes before we left the ward, suddenly he looked at my name tag and asked me,

"What's your name again." 

He squinted his eyes. I thought he was gonna call me the right name.

Suddenly . . .

"Is it Apollo? Nurul Apollo?" 

Nurul Apollo also can Mr. N hahahah.

Oct 14, 2017

R&R Is 500m Away

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

As usual, I'm home for the weekend. I'm gonna go back to Seremban tomorrow by the way as I have classes on Monday and Tuesday next week, before I have a 5-day holiday due to Deepavali. I came home yesterday by bus, instead of driving as I still need my car on Monday and Tuesday and I was soooo lazy to drive back home. Class ended early yesterday. Sanaa sent me to Terminal 1 Bus Station around 4.50pm so I thought I still had the chance to grab 5pm-trip ticket. But it was sold out, so I needed to take the 6pm trip instead. 

"1 hour to go. Where should I lepak?"

I decided to spend time at Dunkin' Donuts. I bought 2 donuts and a cup of iced coffee. I shouldn't buy coffee as I'm on coffee-free diet to sort of 'detox' myself, but I did, so I just drank it anyway. 10 minutes before the bus departed, I left Dunkin' Donuts and immediately walked to Platform 35. Everyone was already in the bus, except for this one Chinese lady and I. 

I followed her back and entered the bus. It was super full. I tried to search for an empty seat beside any lady, but I couldn't find one. Then I saw a vacant seat beside a guy. And another one, beside another guy. The lady chose to sit the other seat at the back. I went to her. 

"Do you wanna sit with me?" 

It was a bit awkward for one second. Because all people were staring at me and I wished she would say yes haha. I know it was just a seat, but still.. haha. So she said yes and asked me where did I sit. Then I called the guy who was sitting near the window and asked him whether he could move to the another vacant seat so that I could sit with a girl. Luckily he agreed. That lady and I had a short conversation before we both turned back, looking at our hand phones. 

"I'm ready for this 1 and half hour journey. I have downloaded a few movies in my phone, so I can kill the time by watching it."

Little did I know, this would be an unforgettable journey.

15 minutes after the journey, I felt the urge to pee. I regretted of drinking coffee, but I could still hold it. Hope I can stand for another 1 hour.. and 15 minutes? If it jammed, it will be longer..? It's okay. I really can do it. 

Half an hour passed, and I. Regretted. Every. Single. Thing. I. Did.

Why did I drink coffee?
Why didn't I just go to the toilet before entering the bus?
Why did I drink a lot of water?
Why didn't I feel sleepy?

A lot of whys, blaming myself for every single action that could or might lead to this. 

I could not even watch the movie. I never noticed high pitch sound could make the urge to pee becomes stronger. I noticed every single high pitch and the different tones in one's voice. I noticed every bumps the bus passed, even the small ones which will usually rock you to sleep. 

I looked at my watch. It was 6.40pm. It felt like forever. Yes, it did. 

Then suddenly I saw the bus passed by a signboard showing R&R is another 1km away. I was in dilemma.

"Should I tell the bus driver to stop?" 
"But what if other passengers become mad at me?"
"And I sit too far behind. I have to walk to tell the driver."

We passed by another signboard.

I could hear the signboard said, "R&R is 500m away. You better decide now." Kidding. 

I just looked at the signboard, and I told myself that it's okay. After one second, I regretted of not telling the bus driver to stop. 

Every metre the bus moved, I was hoping the bus driver could hear my inner voice, telling him to stop. Please stop. Please stop. I'm begging you. Please stop.

I wished I had telepathy at that time. 

To my surprise, the bus turned to R&R!!! I shouted on top of my lungs, quietly in my mind. Haha. I said "Alhamdulillah" countless of times. I wanted to go to the bus driver and thank him thousands of times, but let's not be creepy haha. A new lesson learnt. I shall never forget this experience. And yes, no more coffee if I don't wanna go to the toilet before boarding into the bus. 

Have you ever had any experience like this before? Tell me! I would really wanna hear it, so I know that I'm not alone hehe 

Oct 11, 2017

Just A 10-Min Break

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It's almost 12am, but I'm still wide awake. Exactly 7 weeks ago, before new semester started, I thought of prioritising blog writing, but looks like it is not that easy to accommodate it into my daily (hectic) 8 to 6 schedule. After this it won't be 8 to 6 anymore. Sometimes it will be 8 to 10 during Ortho posting. And I saw one of my friends still at A&E department at 11.50pm. Don't get me wrong. Not that I'm complaining. I'm actually looking forward and can't wait for it.

I have a lot of things to share with you guys (let's just pretend there are people who read my blog, shall we? Haha). There are a lot of unpublished posts in my draft. Anyway, as the title suggests, I'm just going to blurt out whatever I wanna say in 10 minutes. 

Psychiatry almost comes to end and I'll be having my end of posting tomorrow. I can't wait to get through it, but at the same time I'm super duper nervous. I don't know what to expect. Prof. Z will give each one of us a patient to be clerked in 10mins perhaps(?) and we present to her together with differential diagnoses and management plans. Hope the patient will be having either schizo, bipolar, depressive disorder or substance use. If suddenly she brought us to the clinic... I don't wanna think about that Just praying for the best of luck haha. 

Anyway, I joined a run last Saturday!!! I'm soooo excited to tell you guys about this because after years of planning and experiencing a hypoglycemic attack one week right before the event, I finally managed to complete a run! It was a 6km run. It will be a lie if I said I ran all the times, but hey alternating between running and walking is a good start, I guess? Hehe. All photos are still in my phone, but I did upload a few in my Instagram (dyllarezan), so you can check them out there okay! 

Alright time's up. 10 minutes flew so fast. I shall go to bed. 
Teedle dum dum humty dumpty dum! 
It rhymes haha. Bye! 

Aug 17, 2017

1204 Not The Real Numbers

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Meet Ummi Umairah binti Kahar

I can't remember when was the last time I met this girl. She's my best friend since standard 1, although back in primary school, there were times that we were not friends and we created our own gang where we persuaded our classmates not to be friends with the other party haha. But still, she was among those who stay in my life the longest, congrats and thanks, you're the chosen one haha.

The initial plan of our hang out yesterday was to go to Mahkota Parade, have a lunch at Boat Noodles and then watch Bad Genius at Lotus 5 Stars Cinema with Ica (sister) and Haniza (cousin) as well. Unfortunately, Haniza couldn't join, so Ica decided to let Ummi and I spend time together. Too lazy to drive until Mahkota Parade, plus we thought of trying the 'Malaysian boat noodles', we chose to go to Aeon instead because Aeon has a cinema too.

The 'Malaysian boat noodles' or its real name Eat & Repeat is one of the shop lots, opposite to Aeon. There are quite a number of choices you can make from. To be honest the food was okay to me. I don't really favour the mee rebus and mee celup, but mee bandung was quite good.

Here's the menu. Yup, each bowl is RM1.90. The portion is a bit more than Boat Noodles. Probably because they use the usual yellow noodles, thicker than Boat Noodles ones.

As you can see in the photo down below, here's the food that we ordered yesterday. 

1. Mee celup
2. Mee kari
3. Nasi putih ayam cincang
4. Pulut mangga
5. Brownies with ice cream
6. cendol
7. Mee bandung
8. Mee celup
9. Mee rebus

Here are some zoomed-in photos.

Rate: 6/10

While eating, we remembered that we were supposed to check the showtime for Bad Genius. I noticed Ummi just changed her phone. I wanted to Google for GSC showtimes, but the phone was locked with a 4-space passcode. Obviously, my thumbprint wasn't saved so I couldn't access using the fingerprint sensor. I asked her the passcode to get access. 

Mi, apa password kau?

I keyed in the code and the phone was unlocked. My next action was halted by the lingering thoughts in my mind. Why 1204? Her birthday is on first of November. Maybe, it's someone special's birthday? Her crush probably? So, I asked her.

Mi, kenapa 1204? Nak kata birthday kau, bukan.
Oh, tu 12 April tarikh aku beli phone ni. 

It was my first time knowing someone puts the date she bought the phone as her phone passcode. I laughed like crazy upon hearing that, and I teased her of course because I thought it was someone's birthday haha. It's quite interesting to know how people make up passcodes and passwords. Especially when creating password needs certain requirements; special character, capital letter, number, etc. For me myself, I have a lot of passcodes and passwords, which most of the times, are so random, so I quite understand that. 

Anyway, just to make sure there's no one will secretly try to access her phone ...

1204 are not the real numbers. 

Aug 15, 2017

Counting Spoons

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

I feel that my few previous posts are a bit hambar because there's no photo at all.  So I thought this time maybe I should at least include one. So taraaa!

These are nenek's by the way as I'm currently at nenek's house. I know moms like to count Tupperware(s), even my ibu is not excluded among those moms of course. She is an amazing mom. She can do everything at one time, such a great multitasker. Hands down. 

She knows where things are, and surprisingly even the missing ones. 

Ibu, ibu nampak tak mana kita letak getah rambut kita.
Ada dalam bilik air tu.

Talking about missing items, of course ibu will know where her things go missing, especially her Tupperware(s). But, it looks like my ibu has developed a new habit, which is counting spoons and a new skill, finding spoons.

Ibu allocates 10 spoons for the 5 of us, not including the ones that ibu hides in the cabinet. Shh, don't tell ibu that I know this, she might change the hiding place haha. How does ibu get the idea to count spoons? Blame my youngest and the only brother, Aiman. 

Last time when spoons were never been counted, ibu put all the spoons we had at one place. Day by day, without we even noticed it, we fought for it. Ibu decided to 'investigate' where her spoons had gone MIA. One day, she found out that Aiman was the culprit. It turned out that once in awhile, when he forgot that the spoon didn't come together with the food, he would simply throw the spoon as well. Ever since then, ibu started counting spoons. Worry not, she only counts once every a few weeks haha. 

But still.. when one of her spoons is not there.. 

Kenapa sudu ibu tak cukup lagi satu ni. Ada sesiapa terbuang ke?

Ibu knows about this blog post by the way. You know what she replied when I told her?

Memang lah kena kira sudu. Kalau tak kejap kejap hilang.

Haha ibu, ibu.

Aug 5, 2017

A Different Thing

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 

I just sat for my end of semester assessment yesterday and it marked the end of Year 3 MBBS. I can't be more than grateful to be where I am now. Although it's still a long way to go, Alhamdulillah I still survive, though sometimes barely breathing. Some asked me to share my clinical phase journey so far. In IMU, because clinical skills are already incorporated since the first semester, the REAL clinical phase will only start after 2.5 years and semester 6 is the first semester in clinical school. Our clinical school which consists of Sem 6 to Sem 9 students is located in Seremban, in front of Hospital Tuanku Jaafar (Seremban General Hospital), Negeri Sembilan. 

Throughout this semester 6, clinical school to me is a lot more interesting than in Bukit Jalil last time. And it's wayyy different. Now we are dealing with real patients who are sick for real. No more simulated patients. And we begin to learn on how to deal and have a human to human interaction, rather than being a robot repeating the script of "Hi, my name is Ardilla. I'm a second-year medical student from IMU blah blah." over and over again until it sounds so robotic and heartless (?), well that was me last time. I just didn't know how to not sound like a robot who had rehearsed the script for thousand times. After all, that was what I did haha. 

Although it is more interesting nowadays, still ...

Medicine has never been easy for me. Never. I'm not a fast learner. I have to work really, really hard, which sometimes (or most of the times), it is still not enough. Being in clinical school is an eye opener for me. I went through so many ups and downs, one second I felt happy because I could answer doctor's questions, the next day I felt so stupid for being blurred, not answering any questions. Even in a day, my mood could drastically change. 

I couldn't remember how many times I almost burst into tears; an old lady who was suspected to have breast cancer told me she couldn't sleep well because she felt breathlessness due to the cancer cells that had metastasized to the lungs; a guy who was okay a minute ago suddenly became unconscious and eventually passed away after a few mins of CPR; an old guy told me I'm lucky for being healthy, not like him who had a number of diseases and needed to consume a lot of medications; etc. 

Sometimes I wish I can do what I like during past time, oh well what's past time though, I've forgotten the meaning haha. I wanna learn photography, I wanna read novels that I bought, I wanna do this, I wanna do that, but I know I can never do that because I feel guilty of not doing anything related to Medicine, but end up I'll be doing nothing inc studying. Double the guilty haha. 

Being in a clinical school, when every day is about meeting patients (reminding myself that's what I'm gonna do in the future), I have no time to have Monday blues or any-other-day blues, except for weekends, but obviously, I won't because I'll be going back home. No matter how my mood swings on the previous day, I have to move on and start a new day with a new spirit. It'll be a lie if I said there's no day that I feel dreadful and tired, but I have to put things aside. One secret to share, most of the times, talking to patients is what makes me feel much better. To know their stories, their concerns, their life perspectives and their ways dealing with trials and difficulties, oh god I learn a lot from them, not just about their conditions, but how to look at life as a whole. I feel accepted and trusted when they allow me to talk to them, when they are willing to share their stories that they don't simply share to anybody else and when they allow me to examine them, though they know they won't get any treatment or management in return as I'm still a student and making decision is not in my job scope.

The main point here is, things can be so hard. There are times, everything will be so overwhelming and you might feel it's unbearable. Fret not, you are not alone. Everyone has that moment. Everyone feels the same thing sometimes. But, remember, you've already started and you are capable to do this. Chin up, and show the world the real you, who they never imagined you could ever be!

Anyway, I had done 3 postings which are Family Medicine, Internal Medicine and Surgery. I must say that I love Surgery the most. So far haha. Although the 3 postings have already ended, it doesn't mean learning has ended as well. I still have a loootttt to learn. Really, really a lot. I just arrived home for 3-week holiday this morning, and I already have a holiday to-do list.

Oh ya, updating blog is on my to-do list as well hehe. 

Jun 30, 2017

15 Years Back Then

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It's the longest period of time I haven't touched a book since a few months ago. It feels a bit weird, but nope, I still don't wanna touch it now. Yet. Gimme 10 more minutes to type this post, then I will think about it okay hehe. 

I notice the meaning of Raya to me has changed a lot these past few years. Or is it because I'm becoming more mature and I understand the real meaning of Raya, which makes me appreciate Raya even more? Probably yes. 

15 years back then, Raya to me was about playing sparklers and firecrackers with cousins, sleeping at my grandparents' house, waking up in the morning by the rooster's crow and of course getting duit raya (though I secretly hope I still get it now hehe). 

15 years back then, when Datuk was still alive, at night before Raya, he'd install an extended lamp from inside the house to the garage and place a number of pelitas around the house for us to play with the sparklers. He'd then sit on his favourite lazy chair outside the house while watching us playing together. A secret to share, my grandfather had a few packets of mercun bola, for him to scare the other children if they threw the firecrackers at our house haha. On the other hand, on my ayah's side, my late grandfather really really really hated firecrackers because he'd get shocked. So if anyone played firecrackers near his house, he'd chase them away. Cucu tak cucu, sama je kena haha. 

15 years back then, a month before every Raya, ibu ayah would start buying new clothes for us. 8 pairs for each of us; 4-day clothes and 4-night clothes. Then ibu would pack for us, while we packed our sparklers and firecrackers. 

15 years back then, when people came to my grandparents' house, the moment I heard 'Assalamualaikum', wooshhhh all of us, my cousins and I disappeared. Later when the guests wanted to leave, Datuk would call our names one by one to receive duit raya. If not, we would just stay in our rooms quietly, pretending there was no one haha. 

But, now the meaning of Raya to me is different. It is about gathering with the big family, sharing jokes and stories, updating about each other's lives and just spending time together. Doing nothing is fine as long as we get the chance to be at the same place and same time together. 

Both of my Datuks are not here anymore. They passed away a few years ago. Raya somehow is not the same anymore. There's no one to install extended lamp. No mercun bola in the drawer anymore. No one to scold the kids and ask them to play the firecrackers away. And I play neither sparklers nor firecrackers anymore. Just once in awhile, only when I need to take care of the kids. 

I buy Raya clothes really last minute. Usually, I will buy a few days before Raya. I choose what I wanna wear instead of my parents, though my father is still the one who pays it hehe thank you, ayah. And we don't have to pack our clothes anymore as we sleep at our own house and go back to kampung on the Raya day itself because both of my kampungs are really near, and the room in kampung is not big enough for the 5 of us. 

My sister, cousin and I were among the people, together with my mother and aunts who stay in the kitchen especially when guests come. There are a lot of works to do in the kitchen. No more running into the room the moment we hear 'Assalamualaikum' haha.

Here are some photos I wanna share. I posted a few more, including me with my favourite tree, which I used to climb in my Instagram, @dyllarezan. 

Budak budak panjat pokok. Tengok tu yang kecik tu pun nak jugak panjat.

Eh eh ter candid pulak hehe.


Though the meaning of Raya to me might have changed, but I still love Raya because that means I can go back home weeeeeee hehe.


P/s: Anyway, how was your Raya? Did you get the chance to go back home? Or did you work on the first day of Raya? I hope you had so much fun celebrating Raya this year :)

Jun 8, 2017

I'm Back!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 

Hellooooooo everyone! 

Just in case if you guys have forgotten, I'm Ardilla Noorezan. Who am I? No one. So, you are not expected to know me actually haha. 

What an interesting way to start a post after so long not writing one, Ardilla . . . 

Yes, alhamdulillah I'm still alive, trying to survive in Med school. How was everything? Hmmm which one should I start first? Should I start with the part where I almost cried when clerking a patient? Or my car crashed into a tree? Or the part where I had trouble sleeping? Hm, which one.. haha. Okay, I'll just tell briefly about everything I can remember, alright? Grab some popcorn and keep scrolling hehe. 

I already finished 7-week of Family Medicine and almost finish my 2nd 7-week-posting which is surgery. I loveeee this clinical phase because finally, I can relate the theory part and real things. This is also the phase which I learn a lot. Not just about Medicine and people, but also about myself. I get to know myself better; I believe I can be just as good as everyone else. I learn to appreciate small things that I should have been grateful for, which I overlooked before. For example like having a good relationship; be it with family, or friends, or strangers. And this phase trains me to become a stronger person in the future. Gituuuu. Dah macam reflective writing hehe. 

Oh yes about the car crash, if you followed me on Instagram, you probably would notice the day when I posted a photo of my damaged car after skidding, spinning and crashing into a tree. It was raining heavily that morning and my first time going on the different route. One split second, it happened. It was so fast. My car spun a few times, but thank Allah there was no other car and I was fine. Alhamdulillah. 

I have a looootttt of things to tell you guys. And I'm so sorry I haven't updated about India, China and a few other trips, which some of you requested. Just a quick survey here; which topic you want me to talk first? About my current life? How's clinical phase in medical school? Or continue about India trip? Sarawak? China? Or any other interesting topics you'd like to suggest. Don't be shy, just drop your comments okay? It will be so helpful to me. Hehe thank you!

Oh andddd Ramadan Kareem!

I shall continue my work now, see ya! 

Jan 30, 2017

India Trip Travel Video By Dyllarezan

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

I stopped at post about day 3 in India and wrote nothing afterwards. Actually, I was on my way making this video and it's done weeee. Don't watch this video if you're longing to go to India because you'll defo fall in love with it especially the Kashmir part and make you wanna book your flight ticket straight away!  

This video comprises of all places we went, and basically included everything we did. So as I move on to the next post, you might have a clearer view about our trip. Anyway, Alhamdulillah for the chance. A big big hug for my parents who gave me permission to go and I'm really grateful to have amazing travel mates (Sanaa, Fatin, Najwa and Rieza) who made this trip a success. Thank you guys! To more travelling together, maybe? Hehe. 

As you can see, I have inserted a special column form YouTube videos on the right side bar. Feel free to watch my other videos and do subscribe if you wanna stay up to date as I'm gonna post more videos in the future.

Stay tuned for the next post about our India trip!

What do you think about this video? Do you have any video you wanna share with me?

Jan 21, 2017

India Trip Day 3 (Udaipur) - City Palace, Udaipur Ropeway & Bagore Ki Haveli

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Our train was supposedly at 11.00pm, but after checking on Ixigo, our train was delayed and the expected arrival time was 12.50am. We didn't wanna waste our time, sitting at the station with nothing to do so we just spent time in the Zostel common room first. 

The common room was quite spacious and there were a few card and board games available. They even had some musical instruments like guitar and flute. We played UNO and laughed hard when someone had to take a few cards after others put +2 or +4. And even harder when someone kept drawing the card from the deck because she didn't have any card with the same colour or number as the person before. The clock was ticking fast, but we didn't realise until one of us checked the clock and it was already 12.00am! Nak pergi toilet lagi, nak book Uber lagi. Couldn't imagine if there were no Uber available that night. Might run to the train station or just sat down in despair, feeling miserable, waiting for the sun to rise haha.

Zostel Jaipur common room. Less people, comfortable, and there were a number of power outlets for us to charge our phone and power banks. Thank God they allowed us to lepak here until late night though we had already checked out at 9.00am. 

The train station is about 20 - 30 minutes from Zostel Jaipur, depending on the traffic. We hurriedly booked an Uber and while waiting, we went to the toilet alternately and brought out our luggages and backpacks from a room behind the reception counter. Once the Uber car arrived, we told him to try his best to drive as fast as he could. 

If you can see from this blurry photo, there are colourful lights from the window of the Hawa Mahal.

We arrived 10 minutes earlier than the expected arrival time of the train. We stood on the platform, feeling confident that the coach that we booked would arrive just in front of us. The train usually will only stop for a while before moving to the next station, so we waited at the platform patiently to make sure that we would not miss the train. The train moved from afar towards where we stood. One coach to one coach passed by us. We saw coach S9 (S stands for sleeper), but it didn't stop in front of us! Train still laju pulak tu haha. Without any further delay, we rushed to our coach, S9 from coach S3, while the train brake trying to defy inertia and at the same time preventing a sudden halt. 

We ran and ran and ran. We were still running though the train had stopped. Imagine 4 girls running in the middle of the crowd with luggages.. hahaha. I never knew the train was super duper long, until we had to run like this! It was so tiring and full of drama. One of my friends, I couldn't really remember whether it was Fatin or Sanaa accidentally tripped an uncle's bag, and even the uncle was kind of being flipped and turned away. Pity the uncle, but we had to keep on going or we might miss the train. My friend said sorry a few times and we continued running. 

At one time Sanaa almost got separated from us because there was a huge crowd in the middle of the platform and Sanaa was sandwiched between them when they were about to move to somewhere haha. Told ya, us and train were full of drama, which we could never escape from. It started even on the first night we were there haha. 

The train was a bit dark as most people already switched off the light. Fatin and Sanaa went for the middle bunks, while Najwa and I took the lower ones. But, it was quite uncomfortable and felt insecure with the continuous staring from a few people in the compartment next to us and I couldn't sit straight upright as the bed of the middle one was very low. So, Najwa and I moved to the uppermost bunks.

We put our luggages below, on the floor and places a few chains Sanaa bought us between the bags and the vertical columns that connect the uppermost and the middle bunks. 

The view from where I was.

I was awake around 6 in the morning and instantly felt regret of keeping my thick outerwear in the luggage, which was hard to be reached from above. The window was open. It was freezing cold. I could barely feel my hands and feet! I just couldn't wait for the sun to rise and shine into the train. I wished I had something to cover myself other than just a thin normal sweater.


First foot down on the station and I was already feeling amazed. Udaipur Railway Station was super duper clean and nice. There were bins every 50 metres! There was wifi connection, but we had neither password nor Indian number to log into it, so we asked for help from the lady at the ticketing counter. We booked an Uber straight to Moustache Hostel, where we were gonna stay for 1 night. 


Moustache Hostel is somewhere in the narrow street near the Grasswood Cafe and opposite to Nukkad Guest House. It has a few floors, and they have a nice place where you can eat at the roof top. Checking in was so easy as the guy at the reception seemed to know who we are even before we introduced ourselves. He just asked us to leave our passports to be recorded in the guest book and instructed another guy to show our room. 

One of the good things about travelling 4 people is most hostels have a room for 4 people. So it was just nice for the 4 of us and we could lock the room whenever we wanted to keep our things safe and sound. I booked Moustache Hostel from the website itself and paid when we checked in. 

Hot shower was not available at first. The trick was we had to turn on the shower and let it be for a few minutes. Kind of wasting.. yeah I know. But the coldness stung until bone and although the cold water had turned hot, it was still not enough to make me feel warm more than a minute once it had been turned off. Couldn't afford to bear the hungriness anymore, we decided to have a lunch. Googled for halal place and we found Al Rehmaniya Restaurant in the list and it wasn't too far from our hostel. 


Uber from Moustache Hostel to the restaurant costed us Rs48. There was no customer in the restaurant, which made me wonder whether it was opened or not. Once we seated, a guy came, gave a menu and took the order from us. Each of us ordered a piece of roti (yes they called it roti. Tapi roti apa entah, lupa dah haha) and a plate of chicken masala to be shared among the four of us. 

About 10mins afterwards, one by one of the roti was placed on our plates. Each roti costed only Rs15 (about RM1), but the size was double of roti canai kosong in Malaysia. I was super duper hungry, could even a horse at that time, so I ordered another roti haha. Typical Dylla, would never have enough with only one roti. It was delicious! You can really taste the mixed spices they used in the chicken masala. And the chicken itself was so tender, yummm! 

Look at how big one roti is!


With a full and satisfied tummy, we booked an Uber and went straight to City Palace. We got the student price for the entrance fee, Rs100, but I had to pay another Rs250 for my camera. They said that I can leave it at the counter and just pay for the deposit, which I can claim at the end of the tour, but I didn't dare to take the risk so I just paid the amount of money. Besides, I prefer taking photos using my camera.

The view from the entrance.

It was so bright on that day.

Having a tour guide was a no no as we tried our best to keep our expenses as low as possible. But, the problem was we just simply wandered around without knowing the true meaning behind those colourful walls, amazing mirrors and also unique architectural building. Blame myself for not invest a bit on getting useful facts and information. But we did make the tour a fun one by making our own stories haha. Guess I might have to come here again in the future hehe alasan.

Inside the City Palace.

If you can see in the photo below, the white rectangular paper was actually the ticket for the camera, which one has to pay for if you wanted to bring the camera inside. Or else you have to leave it on the counter with an amount of deposit.

Peeping through the holes, looking at the Pichola Lake.

A part of the City of Udaipur.

The ceiling is so niceee!

One of the rooms in the City Palace.

There was a grand wedding about to take place when we were there.

The City Palace overlooks Lake Pichola, the most picturesque lake in Udaipur and where we had a boat ride. The ticket for boat ride was Rs400 each person and we had to pay another Rs30 to enter the City Palace Complex on the side where we would enter the boat from. The sky was bright and the weather was quite warm that evening. Luck was not on our side as we could not enter Jag Mandir because it was being used for an event's purpose.


From City Palace, we went to Udaipur Ropeway (cable car) by Uber. Luckily Najwa's phone had internet so we could search for an Uber. There were a few types of cabin and instead a personal cabin 4, we chose for 4 people, but in a cabin that can fit 6 people, which means the other 2 would be strangers. The price for a group of 4 was Rs390. The view was mesmerising and absolutely beautiful. It stopped near the Karnimata Temple. 

While others went to the temple, we just strolled and roamed around the sunset point at the top of the hill. From there we could see City Palace, Lake Pichola and other beautiful buildings with amazing architectural design. We made friends with a Singaporean family while waiting for our turn to enter the cable car. While on our way down, back to where we came from, we made friends with an Indian couple and their cute little daughter! The sun set early as it was winter and 5.00pm seemed like 7.00pm. We went back to Moustache Hostel first before going to Bagore Ki Haveli, which is situated just nearby the hostel. 

This hill overlooks a part of the City of Udaipur and the Lake Pichola.


Bagore Ki Haveli is actually a mansion, where they perform traditional folk dance shows and cultural performances. The ticket price for tourist was actually Rs150, but with Sanaa's help again, as usual, we got Indian price Rs90. The show lasted for an hour and it was uhhh-may-zingggg! Especially the part where a lady put 10 pots on her head! Not 3, not 4, but 10! Had to pay for camera if I'm not mistaken, but I couldn't really remember how much. 

She could balance 2 pots on her head.

Eh not 2, but 6.

But at the end, she could actually balance 10 pots! So incredible!

We went back to Moustache Hostel with an empty stomach. Maggi would not be enough, so we ordered 3 chicken briyani and 1 fish curry from Al Rehmaniya as they had delivery service. We made a big mistake here as we forgot to ask for the price. The rice was a lot! Really really a lot. The chicken briyani costed Rs160 each and usually the price for just-nice-portion was below Rs100. 

Sanaa and I, both of us had our own chicken briyani, but we thought maybe we should share 1 packet first, and if it wasn't enough, we eat the other packet. Ended up, we had one packet balance and we kept it in the fridge upstairs. So, before you order something, make sure you check for the price first because sometimes their half briyani for example is reallyyyy a lot!

Can see the City Palace from the rooftop of Moustache Hostel.

I slept early that night. Can't wait for tomorrow! I did something for the first time tomorrow! Guess what was it? If you followed my Instagram, you'd prolly have known. If not, just guess! Hehe.

More photos on Dyllarezan's Instagram

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