Jan 14, 2019

A Year Older, But Am I A Year Wiser?

You know how people always say a year old, a year wiser. 
I had never said it before until I posted a photo on my Instagram a few days ago.
I always write things ONLY if I really mean it.
And I had a long pause before typing that sentence, thinking ... 

... am I really a year older, and ALSO a year wiser? 

Not one year, or two years, but for many years, I doubted myself. I knew that I learned a lot as time passed because Allah blesses our lives so beautiful from A to Z that not a single day would pass with nothing to learn from. But, that was not the issue. I wondered, did all those life events make me a wiser person? Am I a better person than who I was before? 

I am not aware if my personality changes, but one thing for sure, my way of thinking does change somehow. I remember being someone who cared a lot about everything, including things that were out of my control ie. how people treat me. I treated people the nicest way possible, and expected people to treat me the way I did. And when they did not, my heart crushed.

I learned that I should always treat others nicely, give people a smile, make things easy for someone, but never, ever, ever expect anything in return.

When it comes to my family, they are always number one in my heart. There was this one semester I was so kiasu. So kiasu that even though I went back home, but my heart was never home. I felt restless because I could not study at home like there was no one at home understood that I needed to study. But actually, home brings me long-term peace and joy. Ever since I understood that home is not exactly a place, it's more like a feeling of having people you love close to you, I cherish time with my beloved ones more than before. My family and my close friends are my home. They are my support system. Without them, I might not be able to be where I am now. Instead of thinking I can't study at home, I make it as the best place for me to study.

I am a year older now, which means my parents are a year older as well. I wanna be a really good daughter to them. Nothing I do would equal to things they did for me, but at least I want them to be able to say, "Alhamdulillah. I'm really proud of my children."

These are just some examples. I hope that I would get wiser and wiser as getting older and older. InshaaAllah.

P/s: Excuse my excited-could-not-wait-to-eat face haha. Ibu said I looked different and my ecstatic face was enough to tell I was so eager to eat haha.