Post-TOF: A Stranger Cried, I Cried

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Credits to Sham Jolimie (photo taken from here)

If you read my previous post, you might still remember that I wanted to tell you guys about this story.

"Hati tisu" (hati = liver, tisu = tissue) is a term used for those who cry easily. Don't ask me why liver, and not heart. Here in Malaysia, we use to call heart as 'hati', which means liver actually. Although I don't think there's anyone from overseas reads my blog, I explained it just in case there is hehe. Indirectly "hati tisu" means you have a really soft heart. I don't consider myself to have "hati tisu" (flip hijab, I'm in denial haha), but my eyes can be so watery because of small simple gestures or unremarkable events, that touch my heart. And ...

I can't see someone else cries. 

I still can remember, there was one time I was in the medical ward. I met a lady who was admitted due to shortness of breath. Only shortness of breath. Upon physical examination, they noticed there was a swelling near her breast. All investigations were done, and they told her she had breast cancer and the cancer cells already metastasised to her lungs and that was why she had shortness of breath. It was stage 4. After all the doctors left, we had a conversation. She told me about her family, etc. She cried. Remember I said I can't see someone cries? I cried too. My eyes became watery. Instead of me offering her a tissue, the patient herself offered me a tissue haha. She even told me, "Takpe, makcik okay je." (It's okay. I'm fine). I was sooooo embarassed. Come on tears, can't you guys wait until we leave her bed? 

What do you think if you tell your problems to your doctor, and you cry, then the doctor him/herself cries as well? You would probably say, "This is so weird. Now, I'm the one who has to comfort this doctor. Ugh." haha. So, I'm training myself not to easily cry/have watery eyes, especially when listening to someone else's concerns and difficulties. 

Back to Twins of Faith (TOF) story, my friend, Balqis left a bit early as she had things to settle so there was a vacant seat beside me. A talk by a Sheikh Alaa Alsayed on "After Honeymoon" was about to start when suddenly a lady came and sat beside me. I didn't get the chance to greet her salam and introduce myself as the sheikh had started talking. So, we both kept quiet and listen attentively to the talk. Sheikh Alaa basically told us about how marriage will be like, how you should treat your wife/husband, what's your right as a wife/husband, etc. Being one of the unmarried people in the hall, I could not relate much to my current life, but I jotted down important notes. Well, it will be useful when I get married one day, InshaaAllah. Haha.

Then at this one point, suddenly Sheikh Alaa asked us to stand and give a big hug to the person sitting next to us, and tell that person that s/he's gonna be a great wife/husband. Lady hugs lady, guy hugs guy, of course.

What should I do? Think fast, Ardilla. Think fast. Okay, if she hugged you, you hug her back, will you? While standing, I turned around facing her and to my surprise, I opened my arms without any cues from her, and she hugged me back. Wow, I never thought I would do that!

I noticed she teared up a bit. I would feel really bad if I pretended I didn't see that and just let her cry alone.

"This shouldn't be so hard. Just be empathy," I told myself. I forgot the fact that I can't see someone cries.

I greeted her with salam and introduced myself, before asking whether she's okay or not. Obviously, she was not okay, so I didn't expect any answer to that question. My next question ...

"Do you wanna share?" 

And she told me everything. She missed her husband, and she had doubts, yada yada. She cried. She seemed could not stop crying. And guess what? While comforting her, I cried a bit too. I had to apologise for crying and I told her I just could not see someone cries. I wasn't in a position to give any pieces of advice for her marriage, and I could not say I understand, because how can you understand if you haven't married yet? But I just kept silent, listening to her stories and after a while, I asked how her kids doing and stuff. She thanked me, and apologised for crying out of the blue. Little did she know, I was the one who should thank her as she taught me that you can be a shoulder to cry on to anyone, as long as you learn to listen.

Here's something that was repeatedly being told to us during the talk,


"One of the best of all deeds is to bring happiness to others." 


Don't get me wrong. I'm not claiming that I just brought happiness to someone. But, I had been in a situation where I felt sad and I felt much better after someone listened and comforted me. Happiness is subjective. You might not be able to give wealth. But you can give the most precious thing one has, which is time. And that might bring happiness to someone. May Allah eases everything for us. Amin.

P/s: Does anyone have any tips on how not to cry when someone cries to you? Let me know if you have, okay? Thanks! :)



14 comments

  1. Same for me too! Will share my story about it here if thats okay 🙈 So I was shadowing a breast surgeon earlier this year and there is this patient A who had breast cancer and it affected her on both sides of the breast.Before the patient comes in, the doctor told me that it willbe hard for the doctor to let her know bc she was one of her fond patients. So when the patient walked in with her husbands and 2 kids, 1 a few months old, my eyes were like heavy already and after the doctor told her the news, she obviously cried really hard.i literally had to hold back fat tears but failed and looked in the other direction bc the doctor itself was also trying not to cry. From that day onwards, I learned that we have to be strong for one another bc who else will be there to comfort the weak when we ourselves are weak to be strong. ( hope that make sense 🙈)

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    1. I did the same thing a few times too. Usually when if I really really really can't hold back my tears, I will try to think of something nice. But if still cannot, then I will excuse myself to go to the toilet and cry in the toilet. Previously I always thought that maybe I am weak, but I guess, everyone will experience this hehe thanks for sharing your experience! :)

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  2. just cry together la. whats wrong with crying. its the best way to relieve urself from stress and also good for ur health isnt it? u're a doctor u know better.

    came from ur krabi itinerary post. thanks for the information. :D

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    1. Haha yes true I agree, it's not wrong to cry. But of course, if I already become a doctor, I can't cry in front of a patient :)

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  3. I have the same problems too XD thanks for the post, your blog is awesome sis! :)

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  4. i would also cried. it's hard not to. oh and i followed u here #442. do visit n follow my new blog

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  5. same! I also cant see people crying + its hard to hold back our tears XD

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  6. hi. jmput la join n meriahkan segmen GA kt sini

    http://www.raydahalhabsyi.com/2018/02/wonderful-march-giveaway-by-raydah.html

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  7. you're so cute and funny la kak dylla. haha. but i couldn't lie, i have same problem too. hahaha. even while reading this post, my eyes became watery already X(

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