Selective Posting - First Day, First CPR, First Death

After 4 years, I am back at this place. What happened in 2014 was something that I would never forget. What about the incident that happened on the first day?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

For those who follow me on my Instagram, you might be aware that currently, I'm having my selective posting in Accident & Emergency (A&E) department at Melaka General Hospital. Today marks the end of the third week, and so far, day by day, I love being in A&E even more.

I still remember the first day when I stepped into the red zone a.k.a 'resus'. I was here before in 2014, as a patient's relative. I wasn't a part of the team. I wasn't even a medical student yet. I knew nothing about medical jargons, nor that I fully understood medical explanations in layman's terms. I questioned the doctors, nurses, MAs, guards for not allowing us, the family members to enter, observing my late grandfather at his last breath. Little did I know that time, our presence might cause difficulty and trouble for them to handle other critically ill patients. But, what I know, from that moment, my contemplation of pursuing either Medical Science in the UK or Medicine in Malaysia disappeared, and here where I am now, after 4 years, as a medical student.

On the first day of my selective posting, I did my first CPR. A 20ish gentleman was unconscious out of blue and they already started resuscitating in the ambulance when they were on their way bringing him here. It was a chaos. The team lead by an MO did everything they could to save the patient. As it was my first day, the most I could help was doing CPR. I took turns with my colleagues, one after another. 1 hour passed, and the time of death was declared. It was the first death I saw in Melaka Hospital and it broke my heart when I saw the family members. I was afraid I might tear up, so I left resus and went to the yellow zone to take a deep breath in and make myself forget on how I felt the moment they declared my grandfather passed away. It was not easy. It had never been easy. But I have to.

We never know when we or our beloved ones will leave forever, so appreciate every single moment while we still have it.


  1. so much people say doctors are heartless no i believe its not. its part of their job to be professional if not xkan nak break down kat situ. doctors are hoomans and they have feelings as well. tapi betul like what u said.. as relatives atm we just wanted the best and hope for the doctors to do their best. itu kadang2 sometimes relative extra emotional. itula cabarannya.. u can do this girl.. be a good doctor <3

    1. Yes, that's so so true. Thank you so much Kak Siti!!!! <3


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